I think that this entry is an entry to my mom, simply because she doesn’t know about this tattoo. So, hi mom! I got another tattoo if you didn’t see the post on my instagram about it (I noticed that you didn’t like it). But don’t worry, it’s even smaller and easier to hide than my first one. This itty bitty tattoo is an “E” located on my right arm, kinda right by my elbow. It’s by that big scar that I got in seventh grade when I was dancing around Ann Lindsey’s room while she was curling her hair and I was being dumb and somehow ran into her and burned my elbow, if that helps you visualize where it is.
No, the E isn’t for Emily. I’m not that reckless. It’s for the word that I am constantly reminding myself of, Enough. To be enough is something that I’ve always struggled with, you know that. It was like I was in this constant cycle of never thinking I was smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, cool enough, whatever. Unfortunately, I think that a lot of people struggle with this insecurity as well, which really sucks. Of course you know how much high school sucked for me, and that was a lot never thinking I was enough for anything or anybody.
Yet here I am today, at school that I am so proud to be at, with friends that I am so lucky and grateful to have. It’s like this life is so great but there was still this piece missing from the puzzle and it drove me absolutely nuts. Up until recently, I finally noticed that missing piece and that missing piece couldn’t be found because I was too busy comparing myself to others. Even worse, I was comparing myself to people that I didn’t even know. If I’m comparing myself to the person next to me, and the person next to me is comparing themselves to the person next to them and so on, then I’ll surely never be enough with that mindset.
It wasn’t until I hung out with an old friend of mine one random, really really cold and gross and rainy day here in Boone, and I felt so damn small. I just felt so inadequate. In other words, I felt like I could never be enough to this person. Feeling nothing short of defeated, I left and went back to my empty dorm room and listened to the most recent sermon that Justin preached via podcast. He said, “if you were to introduce yourself on how you really saw yourself, what would you introduce yourself as?”. Immediately, I thought “Hi, I am Enough”. I think that moment of epiphany was the moment that sparked this tattoo. Even though I left hanging out with that person feeling so small and defeated, I still knew that I was enough. Wait actually, I still know that I am enough.
So, mom, I am sorry if I have disappointed you but I know that who created me has never looked at me and didn’t like what He saw.
And for you other people on here reading, know that in your moments on weakness and moments when you think that you will just never be enough for anybody, know that you will never be good enough for the wrong person. I heard that little quote somewhere one time and oh baby did it make all the peanut butter M&Ms in my stomach turn. Sometimes I really hate that I can't take the advice that I give to others for myself, but I wish that I could just shake you and tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH. If the people around you make you feel anything short of that, maybe get some new friends because again, you will never be good enough for the wrong person.